Jokes are the only thing that people will admittedly tell you to your face that they are stealing. Find your own tree.
The only thing greater than the sound of a camera click is maybe the feeling of biting into a sandwich with chips in it.
No one wants to be reminded of their difference, but they do want to be noticed for their uniqueness.
At this point my car is just an expensive set of around the ear headphones.
I wish they built theme parks around my favorite movies; romantic comedies.
Note to self: black & white books about edible and/or poisonous plants are bullshit.
I've never MADE a friend by discussing politics.
I like how hipsters made trailer parks cool by calling them "tiny houses."
Eventually time just becomes a reminder of what train I missed.
Family Update: "Your cousin is going to law school. Your uncle is retiring. And grandma is pregnant."
The real truth is that when the crowd leaves there's just an artist alone playing the guitar. It's important to remember that so much of the work we do is outside of the spotlight. 
I think when I die, the people will have a moment of awkward silence.
You can be anything you want to be when you grow up, but you also need a day job. Me at mine.
You can see these and many more on my Instagram page, here.
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